Few interviews end with a broken chair, and even fewer interviewers would describe such an interview as a success.
But I’m one of them!
If you’re familiar with this ‘Empty Chair Interview‘ series by now, then doubtless you can guess where I’m going with this…
That’s right, I’m gonna make The Incredible Hulk MAD!
I meet Dr. Bruce Banner in his laboratory under the guise of discussing his world-renown research on nerdy science stuff.
I won’t pretend for a moment to understand any of it, and I have made no effort whatsoever to research any of his work in preparation for this interview…
All you need to know right now is that he’s a genius and I’m not (shocking, right?).
“It’s good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on [insert nerdy science stuff here] is unparalleled. And I’m a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster.”
“Ha-ha-ha. Look, I’ve always been more curious then cautious and that’s served me pretty well.”
Not exactly what I was expecting, but okay.
“Would you share with us your insight into the significance of your work?”
Dr. Banner rabbles on for a good five uninterrupted minutes as I gaze into his eyes (no, not like that)…
‘Green’ I think ‘turn greeeeen’ but evidently my psychic manipulation tactic is ineffective, so I attempt another one…
“You’re not going to turn green?”
I’m not terribly subtle either…
Banner raises his eyebrows in surprise at my question but is otherwise unfazed.
“I’ve got a compelling reason not to lose my cool.”
“To be honest with you, doctor, the green guy is the only one I came to see today.”
Honesty is the best policy, perhaps.
“You know, sometimes exactly what I want to hear isn’t exactly what I want to hear.”
I haven’t the slightest clue what to make of that, but fine. Time to pull out the big guns!
“Do you believe that you and Black Widow have a future? I mean, as much as I enjoyed your pseudo-romance on-screen, I wasn’t really feeling it.”
His eyes seem to darken. I think I struck a nerve.
“Don’t make me angry.”
Oh yeah, here we go. Let’s hit him with another…
“It was just all so forced. You must have realised it, why else would you have left her?”
Banner clenches his fists, attempting to contain the broiling anger within…
“You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.”
This is what I was looking for, I’m just feeding the beast now – one more push should do it…
“Admit it bro, she just doesn’t love you!”
Banner’s eyes turn a fierce shade of green as he loses control…
The lesser mortal writhes in pure rage and the true BEAST breaks free at last!
I stare at THE INCREDIBLE HULK in terror and awe, but one thing is still missing…
“Any last words?”
If you’re even half the fan I am, you know the only words which could possibly follow…
The Hulk lifts two gargantuan green fists high above his head and then brings them down with the force of an atomic bomb upon the empty chair, smashing it into a million pieces…
…a successful interview if ever there was one.
– Empty Chair Interviews