My name is Ruby and I live with my uncle Benny and my aunt Bubs. Unc Ben is the smart one and he is really tall, but he’s the meanest person I’ve ever met. Aunt Bubs has a mental disorder. She does crazy things like beating herself up. The only thing she eats is chocolate. She is a short, over-sized hippo with messy hair. Unc Ben has been trying to cure her for a long time, but he’s done nothing but made her worse.
The reason why Unc Ben wants to save Aunt Bubs so terribly is mainly because she’s his sister, but also because about thirty years ago, when they were both ten years old, there was a fire. Ten-year old Benny was trapped so Bubs went to save him. Benny got out but unfortunately Bubs was hurt so badly that the doctors had to remove part of her brain.
They might be nice to each other but they’ve made my life as cheap as a mouldy dead cat. I’m living with these crazy people because I don’t have a choice and because my parents set off to Paris a few months ago to work as rat-chasers. The reason Unc Ben and Aunt Bubs agreed to look after me is that my parents were willing to pay them half of the money they earned ($80 a month).
“Ruby!” Unc Benny roared like an idiot.
“What is it?” I asked while putting on my crummy parker.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
Unc Ben promised me that I could meet some friends after I had finished my homework, but I guess he has a bad memory.
“Um, I’m going out to…”
“NO!” Unc Ben screamed on top of his lungs “No meeting friends! Finish your homework!”
His voice was so ear-splitting that the window pane shattered into smithereens; the glass sprinkling all over my head.
“B-but I finished my…” I started to say, brushing shards of glass out of my hair.
“SHUT THE HELL UP!” Unc Ben hollered again.
*sigh* “You idiot.” I murmured to myself “Okaaaaay…” I ran up to my room, jumped under the blankets and bawled my eyes out for hours.
Then suddenly, Unc Ben yelled again “Ruby!”
I rushed downstairs and almost vomited when I saw a pile of poop on the sofa.
“Why did you poo on the sofa?” He bellowed.
I was really confused “B-but I’ve been in my room all afternoon doing my homework.”
“Clean it up!” He howled like a wolf and passed me a dirty mop.
“B-but it’s a sof-“ I started to say but…
“Shut up you doofus! Clean it up!”
I glanced over at Aunt Bubs who was giggling like a horse. “It’s her!” I roared, pointing at my aunt.
“Y-you LIAR!” he screamed.
Not only did I have to clean the couch but I also got grounded for a month too.
Cleaning the couch took me hours. It was putrid and disgusting. ‘I know Aunt Bubs did it.’ I thought to myself. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I felt so nauseated and fell on my back.
A few hours later…
“The dumb girl is dead!” I heard Aunt Bubs squeal.
“Who cares?” Unc Ben shrugged.
I opened my eyes…
“Wait, she’s not dead!” Unc Ben yelled in disappointment.
“Oh @#%!” Bubs swore.
I looked over at the sofa and it was still filled with poop. I groaned and got back to work.
The next day…
Unc Ben went to the phone and answered it.
“Hey, what’s up?” He roared. Suddenly, the room was scarily quiet. Moments later “Oh @#@*%!” Unc Ben swore (again).
“What’s wrong?” I asked after he put the phone down.
“Your mom is dead, you @#*%&!” He screamed.
I was speechless “W-w-w” I began to say.
“No talking!” He bellowed “Get back to work!”
I bolted up to my room and felt like I wanted to die. I was in despair and dismal grief. I spelt for days, comatose. My uncle and aunt thought I was dead too.
“The girl’s dead again.” Bubs whined.
I opened my eyes again for the first time in forever. I was ravenous!
“Oh darns. She ain’t dead.” Squealed Bubs who was standing over my bed, looking at me with an expression of indifferent curiosity.
“W-what happened?” I yawned.
“You is in a coma.” She explained.
Suddenly everything came back to me in a rush.
“You momma is dead.” She said carelessly. She laughed, rolled onto the floor and chuckled “ROFLMAO!”
I whacked her on her mushy face with my broken lamp which crashed into pieces. She howled and bawled and then Unc Ben rushed upstairs.
“What the @#% is going on here!” He swore (yet again).
*sniff* I sniffed “Aunt Bubs is a maniac!” Unc Ben glanced over at Aunt Bubs with a look of disbelief.
“She is lie!” Aunt Bubs shrieked “I’m not a maniac!”
“I agree!” Unc Ben roared “Go down to the living room and do your homework, you lil @#*&^@!” Unc Ben screamed.
I was so mad, not because Aunt Bubs got me into trouble, but because their sister, my mother had just died and all they could do was lecture me (nerds).
At dinner, we were having chocolate again (as usual).
“It’s great that our sister’s dead.” Unc Ben said joyfully, almost dancing in his seat.
“I is agree.” Aunt Bubs agreed and punched her fist into the air. “This means more money for us when our parents die.”
The anger washed all over my body in a red hot explosion of rage. I banged the table with my knuckles.
“Can you guys stop thinking about money for one second?!” I thundered “That’s my mom you’re talking about!”
“The dumbo is shouting at us!” Aunt Bubs exclaimed.
“You crazy freaking dumb little slug!” Unc Ben howled “Didn’t your dumb mom tell you not to shout at the tabl-“
“SHUT UP!” I shouted at the top of my lungs “All you care about is that you’re going to inherit money and your dumb sister!”
“Go up to your stupid smelly room!” Unc Ben bellowed.
I stomped up the stairs, shaking the floor with one word stuck in my head – REVENGE!
I spent the whole night planning until it came to me. When everyone was sleeping, I snuck downstairs on tip-toe. First, I removed the jar of peanut butter from the fridge, then took out the tube of super-sticky-slimy glue which I had brought with me from my room, and then squeezed the whole tube of glue into the jar. Finally, I mixed them together and put it back into the fridge.
“Hahaha! That’ll teach ‘em to shut up!” You see, Unc Ben eats a peanut butter and jelly sandwich every day and usually shares half of it with Aunt Bubs. I went back to bed with a smile of anticipation.
The next day, I woke up really early to make sure my plan was working. I heard Unc Ben clinging and clanging with pots and pans in the kitchen. I went down just to see Uncle Ben preparing the sandwich and Bubs was there too! She barked like a dog, begging for a delicious bone. They ate the sandwich together and suddenly…
“Mmmmmhm! I cam mm hm!” They were trying to speak but couldn’t. They both tried hopelessly to pry their lips apart but it was no use. I almost laughed, but if I did, they would suspect it was me. Aunt Bubs was so shocked that she fainted. When Unc Ben saw her faint, he let out a really strange sound like he was being attacked by a crazed elephant. Perhaps he thought it was poison because he fainted as well.
When my mom had died, and Unc Ben made fun of her, I had planned to run away. Now was my only chance and I took it! I would’ve ran away any other night, but Unc Ben always slept on the sofa right next to the door and he was a light sleeper. The night before I had prepared a bag of food, clothes, a map, and of course my piggy bank (which was full of coins I had made from selling lemonade). I raced upstairs and grabbed my backpack, my cap, and warm coat. I jogged back downstairs and left this moronic mess of putrid people and chompy chocolate.
to be continued…