Aaaaaaaaaand we’re back!
Welcome reader to Flashback Friday! – the series of filler posts brought to you by that guy who lives in his parent’s basement…
This week, we’re taking you back to a series of this writer’s very own invention: Empty Chair Interviews!
Perhaps you’re a fan of the series; perhaps it’s not your cup of tea; perhaps you just stumbled across this post and have no idea what the fuck I’m on about. Whatever your sitch, this writer is more than happy to accommodate:
The premise of Empty Chair Interviews is straightforward enough; the interviewer takes a character from the realm of fiction or reality, projects them into a chair, and gets cracking!
It’s amazing how much you can learn from talking to an empty chair and just how willing they are to have a conversation. Personally I think they get a bit lonely at times.
Today we’re examining 3 separate interviews which best illustrate the range of styles featured in the series so far.
Our first interview is with Gordan Ramsay (or is it spelled Gordon?) who challenged this writer to prepare a sandwich. What starts out as a cheerful encounter ends with rather predictable consequences.
The second features the clown-prince of Gotham City; The Joker. I’m still unsure just how I escaped this one alive.
Last of all is an interview with myself. Yes, I know how odd that sounds, and I encourage you to maintain your sobriety as I discuss my own Adventures in China.
Pull up a beanbag and get your slouch on because this is Flashback Friday: Empty Chair Interviews…
Chef curses my incompetence. He takes two slices of bread and presses them together on either side of my head.
“What are you?”
Chef Ramsay looks me dead in the eye.
“An idiot sandwich.”
I sob pathetically. My bottom lip starts to quiver and I fight to keep down the welling tears beginning to form.
“I just want more cheese.”
“Right. I’ll get you more cheese; I’ll ram it right up your fucking arse. Would you like it whole or sliced.”
The Ramster himself!
If you’re as big a fan of the master-chef in all his potty-mouth glory as I am, then how could you say no to the chance to interview him in-person… or at least pretend to.
Gordon Ramsay hardly needs any introduction, and so if you can name a more famous TV-chef personality, I’ll be sure to sit down for a chat with him/her too.
An Empty Chair Interview with Gordon Ramsay represents the standard style of the series. While obviously a real character in this case, all of Ramsay’s lines are direct quotes from various sources rearranged into a mock-interview hosted by yours truly.
As an added bonus question, if given the opportunity, what would you cook-up for the Ramster?
“I wander cautiously through the back alleyways of Gotham’s inner-city slums. Although I have been invited here, I am still uneasy. There’s no telling what might happen if I take a wrong step. In my hand I hold a playing card, a jubilant jester painted on its front – The Joker’s calling card and my official invitation. I hold it high above my head to dissuade any watching eyes who might be thinking of jumping me.
I turn a corner and come across a large jester spray-painted on a wall in hideously jarring green and pink tones. An ominous ‘HA HA HA’ is written above it.”
This is where shit really hits the fan!
I’ll admit it right now; I’m kinda proud of this one. As part of an ongoing mini-series of interviews with characters from the Batman universe, An Empty Chair Interview with The Joker continues with Batman’s efforts to clean up the mess I left him with.
Stay tuned for the upcoming part 5 with a character you may not have been expecting…
“My day begins in typical fashion with a cup of instant-coffee and shortly followed after by my morning dump (I’m beginning to wonder if the two are related). I shower, make a half-arsed attempt at making the bed, and then it’s off to work! It’s a beautiful sunny day. What could possibly go wrong?
If you’ve read my first self-interview, you may recall that I am employed as an English Teacher in China.
If that sounds like an exciting job prospect, then calm the fuck down right now!”
Hold on to your butts!
This monster of an article covers the extent of my inner-most thoughts as I traverse the enigmatic city of Shanghai, China. Join me as I regale stories of contagious curiosity and infuriating incredulity on my typical commute to work.
To date, Adventures in China has been Bantaa91’s most popular post by far and has received both glowing feedback and harsh criticism for its unfiltered honestly.
Love it or hate it, this article is sure to stir your own opinions on everything from trains, students, and travel in general.
Greetings dear reader and thank you for picking up this very special collection brought to you by Bantaa91 and Amateur Publishing (bantaa91.com).
Within these hallowed pages of dust and cobwebs lie a selection of stories presented in a style which you may never have encountered before and never will again…
Strap yourself in and prepare for a journey as we come face-to-face with characters from distant lands (both real and imaginary).
You may be familiar with some of these denizens from the realms of pop-fiction while others you most certainly are not. Rest assured though, each and every one of them presents a unique perspective on theirs and our own world.
Welcome to Empty Chair Interviews…
These three interviews and more can be found in ‘Empty Chair Interviews Volume 1’ available for FREE download
—–> here <—–
If you would like to request an interview with one of your favourite characters (or even a real person), please hit us up on our Facebook group.
That’s all for now folks. Thanks for popping by and we hope to see you again very soon.
We leave you with a quote about chairs by Robin Williams:
“I wonder what chairs think about all day: Oh, here comes another asshole.”