I’ve been hearing this comment a lot lately – “You like playing victim”.
Makes me wonder why? What exactly is that supposed to mean? Why are we playing the victim or are we? Who and why are these people saying things like this?
It’s kind of like when we were kids and would say comments such as the below to get out of trouble.
‘I didn’t do it.’ ‘He pushed me first.’ ‘She’s lying.’
This now makes me wonder if that’s what might be happening? Is this how adults get out of trouble? Trying to reflect attention off themselves?
So, I went on to do some research. Let’s be honest, we all research on Google, right?
Found ‘victim’ means the following according to Google:
noun: victim; plural noun: victims
- a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action.
· “victims of domestic violence”
- a person who is tricked or duped.
· “the victim of a hoax”
- a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment.
· “I saw myself as a victim”
- a living creature killed as a religious sacrifice.
· “sacrificial victims for the ritual festivals”
With these definitions, why would someone want to ‘play victim’? So many questions. Whilst amid my research and thoughts, I received a text message that reads:
“Why is there so much hate? I’m a victim”
Believe it or not but this just happened.
That message was from P. Let’s call him P for privacy reasons. I wouldn’t want to get sued here.
I suppose you could say P is a ‘mate’. We were much closer a couple of years back when I first moved to Melbourne. In the last year or so, P has made various efforts to meet up with me. He knows I love brunches so has been consistently asking me out for a brunch catch up for the past half a year at least. My responses back have been mediocre such as I can’t today, have a big weekend, I’ve got things to do, etc. There have been many times I’ve just ignored him and not responded at all.
We all know, no one would be that busy every weekend for the past six months at a minimum but I hope that’s not how we create a victim? Anyone that knows me, knows I make myself a big deal. I mean, I’m my most favourite person.
A little more about P & I..
P once helped me escape a date. In my defense, I was so bored and could not, did not want to be making meaningless small chat. It really wasn’t fair on the other person that I sat there and only made comments such as: “Oh really”, “sounds cool”… I couldn’t bring myself to be more creative than that.
P & I were texting about a work project during my lunch date so in one of my texts I requested a phone call. P was confused but did call. I answered the call to hear questions along the lines of..’are you ok? Weren’t you on lunch?’ My response was completely and utterly fake and in line with work. P was even more confused. I moved the phone away from my ear but did not hang up, apologised to my date and said I really had to go back to work, all whilst moving away in slow motion. Least to say, I left without finishing lunch and left my date to pay for my unfinished meal.
This is how I collect bad karma points like a boss. I’m certain I have a generation worth of bad karma points. The universe and I have been arguing about how to claim a refund and its T&Cs.
Anyhoo, P & I went for coffee after I escaped my date – obviously my shout for getting me out that nonsense gathering. In saying that, I’m certain P knows what I mean when I say – “I’ve got things to do”.
Let’s get back to playing victim.
P claims to be a victim. Is P playing victim or have I made him a victim? What does this make me then?
But wait, what is the right way to classify a victim? What I’m trying to say is, do we ourselves label ourselves as a victim? Who is the person in command that decides on who’s a victim and who’s not? This seems to be a bigger issue than I realised.
The questions just keep coming.
I was under the impression that only an authority figure could decide. As in, Police, Lawyers, Doctors, however, this is not true. We see on crime shows there’s always a victim vs. offender.
With more research, I’ve learnt that the person labeled ‘victim’ is generally the person making a complaint (pursuer) and the ‘offender’ is the person responsible (accused) according to the ‘victim’ which is the person making the complaint. All in all, I’ve concluded that the complainant is the self-proclaimed victim however, the court will decide if the victim is really a victim or not.
So, does that mean the accused persons are making comments like – “you like playing victim”?
Can I safely mark that as one of the answers to the many questions?
How did this become about P? Will an apology fix him or will we have to take this to court?
Is an apology all it takes to stop someone from feeling or playing the victim? I suppose it seems like the right thing to do. I’ll have to put together some sincere words for my apology to P but I hope that doesn’t mean that I still must catch up with him for brunch? I guess there’s no harm in trying right? Apologies are good manners and they are free of charge.
It’s apparently what good people do and earn good karma points. We all know how much I need those!