Like most stories, I am not allowed to enjoy this one with words spoken out loud. The uncontrollable smiling leaks past my poker face. There aren’t many avenues for it but at least in the written form, I can express something that there aren’t any words for.
I have your attention?
Good, because now you are a part of this. If you stop reading, let it be here: This story is about a kiss. Not a first kiss, certainly not the last, but one of, if not, the best. If that does not interest you then stop reading now, the rest of the words on this page do not matter to you. For those who have chosen to accept this mission. Let’s begin:
Do me the honour of preserving this story, for stories are where memories go to die. This memory is one of the few that are felt in a sense that words alone can not express. I’ll do my best to interpret the way my fingers shake as I move through the moments or the way my heart races well and truly after the event, but, I can not promise you clarity in what I am about to say, nor even the truth. You see with any crystallized moment when the light hits it, it scatters into a million different colours. This is the last time I get to remember this moment and with these words, like a spell, this moment is going to die right here in your eyes. By reading this you are destroying it and I want to thank you for it in advance.
So I met this girl right, How does any story like this begin? She blew my mind. It was inconceivable that a girl like this would choose to vibe with me- My ‘monsters’, my ‘demons’ and my ‘inner child’. She saw them all as one. Just a boy. This is the night I was sure: “I’m actually falling for you. This is new to me. I don’t know what I’m doing.” Eyes wide, a grin on my face.
She just smiled. Those petite pearly whites. I can say whatever I want and she’ll just smile at me. I was comfortable. She was beautiful. That weight on my shoulders lifted and for once, everything just fell into place. Just for a moment.
My mind was racing, I don’t know if a single word I uttered made it through to her, but, then I smiled. I just told this hot bitch I’m bat shit crazy about her and she hasn’t run away. Did she understand? Or has she heard it so many times, that it sounds generic coming out of my mouth? Maybe she’s off in la-la land, cutting and dividing this moment into her own crystallized memory or maybe she’s ticking away upstairs trying to find the best way to make this amazing. Maybe, just maybe she’s picking at my words to figure out a way to really hurt her far-from-perfect (ex)boyfriend.
And the penny drops.
Neither of us will be painted in a good light if anyone knew. It’s only a kiss, a moment.
A moment she’s choosing to share with me. A moment that could possibly mean nothing to her, but a moment I’ll get to keep. I was exactly where I wanted to be. My demons were satisfied: They conceded, all intentions here are pure. We had a green light. Wolfie was allowed out of his cage. She just wants to make the boy happy.
So we sat, legs entwined… on top a park bench. If that sounds sexual to you, get your mind out of the gutter. It really wasn’t. Ever seen frozen hotdogs stacked on top of each other? Well if you get two frozen hotdogs intersect them to make an X shape on a table then apply pressure down till the hotdog on top goes squish…yeah. That’s a much more accurate account of what thighs were doing.
A gaze locked, glasses off. Her face in my hand. Both with a smile to share, ear-to-ear, without a care in the world. For a moment smells became clear and the air felt crisp. A cold breeze blew across yet my demeanor didn’t slip. Ever been in a moment that’s too good to be true? Something so idyllic that you felt your wildest fantasies being played out? This is one of those moments.
I pull her in closer, her eyelids flutter then close. My nose touches hers and her smile widens. I didn’t think it could get any wider, I can see her gumline. Attractive? She goes alright. Her breathing slows down and my heart beats faster. Damn anxiety. With my eyes finally closed, it doesn’t matter. Our lips nestle in closer. Time moves slower. I’m not even on anything.
This is what I’ve been missing my entire life. Her hand resting on my leg, lips locked, with a warmth emanating from somewhere between my lungs and my heart. If this was my last moment on earth I would die a happy man, with her in my arms, on a park bench.
I let my hand slip down to her neck, this is the more familiar territory. More akin to the night we met. I can feel her pulse, her hearts racing as well. No one’s ever felt this perfect. Not in my arms anyway. I open my eyes, hers are still closed. She’s not done yet. I smirked. I move in closer, brush my lips against hers. Her lips move from rest into a grin, she’s been peeking too. My ears are filled with the wrestling of the wind against the trees. I can hear the train leave the station in the distance, it’s faint, in the background. I didn’t even notice it arrive.
It was only a kiss.